I've Moved!

Win-Win-Win (Win, win, win)

People talk about creating Win-Win situations. Sometimes these are people who play "Zen Volleyball," a game where nobody wins unless both teams reach a tie at 7 points. However, there are also people who know that when it comes to relationships (be it sexual, business, social, etc.), nobody wins if someone is losing.(Read More..)

It starts with the numbers.

Dear Friend,

Dating can be one of the hardest times when it comes to remembering who you are. Because there you are, sitting across the table with this new person, wondering if you're a match. Does she want kids? Will he accept you even on your bad days? How will the two of you handle any *gasp* future problems? Do you lay all the cards on the table in the first hour... or over time?

Read More...

Many models lead to Rome

I haven't yet found the model to end all other models.

What I mean by this is: I haven't found the “one size fits all” way of relating to the world that works for and empowers everyone always.

To echo a talk I once heard by Terry McBride: You can put your feet flat on the floor, to “ground.” You an put your palms up to “receive from source.” You can say your prayers to one or many powers – from God to Oscar the Grouch.

But sometimes the rubber hits the road and you get to look inside at what you really believe, and start from there. In that moment, we get to look at ourselves, and discover the Truth – Our Truth. A Truth about what you really believe about yourself, your life and the world. Somewhere, along the line, you might revisit that truth, and decide what you want to believe. I tend to judge the measure of my own beliefs, by whether they pick me up and help me keep going, or knock me down, flatter than a bug under a 4yr old's shoe.

However, trying to tell someone, including yourself, what to believe (or how they should feel about something) is often as rewarding as trying to tell that same 4yr old that they're tired and should go to bed.

Instead, try to appreciate that that model is there for a reason. Generally that reason has to do with survival. Once we can appreciate that these models are there to help us, then we can talk about changing them – if we want to.

The Story of a Car

A young woman was in a car accident. It had been a very hard year for the young woman, and while the accident was a relatively minor one, it pushed her to the edges of her resourcefulness. Her fear of the future overwhelmed her, and for a few days, the young woman was paralyzed with overwhelm. How could she afford to fix her car? What if this raised her insurance? She didn't have work, how could she work if she didn't have a car? On top of it, she was far from home and the people she knew. To top it off, the young woman believed she had to go at it alone. Fortunately, she had a two dear friends, who brushed her up and helped her stand once more, but she still had few answers.

The first estimate was $4,000, more than the worth of the car, and certainly more than the young woman could afford. Luckily, one of her friends was able to help her sit down at the body shop, and find out what it would take to make the car run legally.

Thankfully, we are never alone. The man at the body shop figured the frame could be pulled out... the headlight replaced... if unbent, the hood could be re-latched..

Sometimes, we believe we are alone, and the solutions have to be perfect. Yet we are never alone and while the solutions we find are not always beautiful ones, they are solutions we have. There is an art to identifying when do we hold out for the full enchilada, and when do we decide to accept that right now, this will have to be enough to eat, because that is what will sustain us to find the next solution. The second part of the art is focusing on where it is you want to be, instead of getting lost over where you aren't.

Of course, sometimes these are easier said than done, and we get to accept that too.

What about "right now?"

In America, we thought that we wanted to be skinny, rich, have white teeth, drive a fancy car, have a career (and a partner) with a 6-figure income, hobbies that create passive income, and have 2.5 children. Those children, of course must also fit to the above standards. We must work (at least) a 40 hour work week, retire by 35, and manage to afford trips overseas. In short, we had been told we will be compete failures if we didn't "Have it All."

If that ideal didn't sound insane, the growing rate of burn-out, depression, addiction, divorce, and critical health-problems due to stress, should have told you that the message of "Having it All" is a death sentence we have to stop.

Sure, given the infinite nature of time, we could "have it all." But all we really have is "Right Now." Now, remembering the last time you felt content, take a moment to list the five most important things to you "Right Now." Taking into account survival is important, what if you could work on what you need to be content in the top two (or three, if you need to taper down instead of going cold turkey)?

It may feel like you won't get as much done at first, but I promise you'll live longer, look younger, feel better, and be even more effective at what you DO do.

Sounds good, doesn't it?

(Now, you might just find even more of the rest falls into place)

Welcome!

You're tired of "going at it alone." The world moves too fast and it is hard enough keeping up.

You're tired of personal development that makes you feel like there's something wrong with you -- instead of recognizing you're fine, right now, and sometimes you just want a little help.

I operate under the premise, that at some level, you're fine. Sure, you may have some things you want to change or things you want to work on. At the heart of it, though, you're fine, you're surviving. If you weren't, likely you wouldn't be reading this.

The thoughts and suggestions shared are a model. Feel free to take what works, and leave the rest. If you have questions, please feel free to ask.

I'm here to help.

Warmly,
Kaye